Night News Report; June 16, 2011

Well … this is the latest I’ve ever posted a MNR/ANR, so I guess we’ll call it an NNR. Sweet.

WEINER PULLS OUT OF CONGRESS

Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-NY, resigned his seat Thursday afternoon after a sexting controversy has essentially ruined his political career.

My take: Lots and lots of fun headline possibilities here, but I’ll go with mine. Anyhoo — the dude is an idiot; in 2011, how the heck does he think he can sext, tweet and message scores of women and it wouldn’t get out?

Sort of like being a professional golfer who screws scores of women behind his wife’s back and thinking he can get away with it. How did that work out for you, Tiger?

And props to a Howard Stern Show staffer for wrecking the presser. Here’s the link to the story, although it’s probably PG-13 … so if you’re under 13, get your mama’s permission before you read it.

EDWARDS STORY GETS WEIRDER

The John Edwards saga has taken another weird turn as a report has emerged that the former U.S. Senator/presidential candidate and current baby daddy/fornicator/douchebag asked for millions of dollars from a 101-year-old heiress to help him cover up his affair with his baby mama.

My take: And just when you thought this story couldn’t get any crazier … a 101-year-old named “Bunny” comes forth. Eek.

By the by, here’s Ol’ Johnny Boy’smugshot, where he might’ve been thinking about how he screwed over his dying wife, or how he was going to pleasure a 101-year-old who had dumped millions of dollars into his campaigns and coffers:

No, that’s not a publicity shot — that’s his freaking MUGSHOT taken last week. There’s much more I wish I could say here … but I’d probably lose my job if I did. So, go to town, bloggees.

BRUINS WIN; VANCOUVER FANS TRY TO DESTROY CITY

The Boston Bruins downed the Vancouver Canucks, 4-0, yesterday to claim their first Stanley Cup since 1972, four games to three.

After the game, riots broke out all over Vancouver, resulting in millions of dollars of theft by looters and hundreds of arrests.

My take: This seriously happened in Canada — the home of Pamela Anderson, Keanu Reeves, Celine Dion and Jim Carrey? What is this world coming to?

WAHOO-WA, Y’ALL

Life’s pretty good in Virginia, with God’s University headed to the College World Series, where the Cavaliers will take on California in their opener at 2 p.m. Sunday.

But it looks like long-suffering Cavahoo basketball fans– like yours truly — might have something to cheer for when hoops season rolls around. In ESPN’s main story on its college basketball front, Andy Katz opines that the Wahoos might be ready to make a run at the ACC’s upper echelon.

My take: And yes, it makes me giddy. Can’t wait for November.

Listen, I have no allusions that UVa will beat Carolina or even Duke this year. But a top-four or five finish in the ACC for God’s University would be AWESOME.

The iPod shuffle (and send me yours — I’d love to post it here on the ol’ blog)

Life Goes On — Poison

Every Breath You Take — The Police

On The Road Again — Willie Nelson

Put On — Young Jeezy & Kanye West

A View To A Kill — Duran Duran

Afternoon News Report; May 6, 2011

Dang … sorry I’ve been away from the blog for a couple of days. “Real” work is rearing its ugly head (you know, like daily de-lousings ofDawson) but I’ll promise to do better!

GARY WILLIAMS RETIRES AS HEAD TERP

Maryland head basketball coach Gary Williams announced yesterday he is retiring his position; he’ll make a formal announcement this afternoon.

My take: He was certainly old-school: a heck of a coach and a heck of a bully. His language was as vile as it comes during games, but there was no doubt his loyalty was with the University of Maryland.

But … I won’t miss him or his style of coaching. I guess if he coached my team I’d feel differently, but he was nothing short of a bully with some of his players and certainly with the media.

Randy Jones, a fellow Cavahoo apologist who is infinitely smarter than I’ll ever be, asked a question yesterday that I thought was pretty damned smart — with Williams retiring, who is now the third-best coach in the ACC? Sure, K and Roy are 1 and 2 (depending on your perspective), but who is No. 3?

I’d be interested to see your responses to THAT.

AL QAEDA CONFIRMS SOB’S DEATH

It took a couple of days, but Al Qaeda finally confirmed the death of Osama bin Laden.

There have also been reports Pakistan is upset with the U.S. for its attack within the Pakistani borders.

My take: And my response to both of them? Screw ‘em. There is NO WAY the Pakistani government didn’t know bin Laden was in their country living in a mansion in one of their military cities. They’re lucky we’re not bombing THEM.

And as for Al Qaeda (and other terrorist organizations), we just need to remain vigilant. There is going to be a response here, but we just need to be ready for it.

BOBCATS, HURRICANES TO SWAP VENUES IN PRESEASON

The Charlotte Bobcats will play in Raleigh, while the Carolina Hurricanes will do the same in Charlotte in preseason games in the fall.

My take: What a great idea! The only sticking point is whether the Bobcats will actually BE playing in the fall with a lockout/strike looming. Regardless — a fantastic plan and I hope it happens, especially since the Cats will be playing the Miami Heat at the RBC.

The iPod shuffle

That’s All Right — Elvis Presley

No Line On The Horizon — U2

Blowin’ In The Wind — Bob Dylan

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You — Sting

Coward Of The County — Kenny Rogers

Morning News Report; April 11, 2011

RESCUE WORKERS HOPING TO RECOVER BODY OF 10-YEAR-OLD AT HARDY BRIDGE

Since a 10-year-old fell into the Neuse River yesterday at around 1 p.m. near Hardy Bridge, rescue workers have worked to find him. However, the effort has sadly become a recovery effort as the experts have concluded he has probably drowned.

We have Wesley Brown and Charles Buchanan on site — as soon as there are any updates, we’ll post them at the above link.

My take: What a tragic story — I know you guys are joining me in praying for this family.

RUSSELL BRAND PULLS OFF A DOUBLE

Actor Russell Brand was part of the top two movies over the weekend as “Hop” held onto No. 1 ($21.7 million) for a second week and “Arthur” debuted at No. 2 ($12.6 million). Third through fifth were “Hanna” ($12.3 million), “Soul Surfer” ($11.1 million) and “Insidious” ($9.7 million).

My take: So not only is that unfunny, talentlesshack pulling down mad dollars with the top two movies of the week — he also gets to go home to Katy Perry every night:

Sometimes, life is truly unfair.

CANES, BOBCATS FAIL TO MAKE PLAYOFFS

For the third time in five years, North Carolina won’t have a team in the NBA or NHL playoffs as the Carolina Hurricanes were eliminated from postseason consideration.

My take: Another sad postseason for fans of N.C. pro teams — and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get better any time soon for either team.

The iPod shuffle

Muhammad My Friend — Tori Amos

Ride The Wind — Poison

Say Goodbye To Hollywood — Billy Joel

One Thing Leads To Another — The Fixx

Learn The Hard Way — Nickelback

Congrats to Michael Jenkins!

Congratulations to former Kinston High School and Winthrop University basketball star Michael Jenkins, who signed a contract to play hoops for a Greek pro league today.

My take: Michael is one of the most understated and soft-spoken assassins I’ve ever been around. He signed late to attend Winthrop – then lit it up for four years, including sticking it to East Carolina four times. He wanted to play at ECU, but then-coach Bill Herrion didn’t even pay Jenkins a visit.

Anyhoo — congrats to one of the good guys!

Morning News Report; July 22, 2010

OBAMA WOULD LOSE IF ELECTION HELD TODAY

According to a poll, President Obama would lose to a generic Republican candidate if the election were held today. His popularity and electablity is also hurting among his most powerful voting bloc from 2008 — those in the 18 to 34 age group.

My take: Not really a surprise, with the relative failure of the bailouts and the slow reaction to the BP disaster. It’s shaping up to be an interesting 2012 presidential election.

FACEBOOK HITS HALF BILLION USERS

That’s right — Facebook has 500,000,000 (500 million) users; here are some interesting facts about those of you who can’t live without it.

My take: Yes, that includes me, too.

My favorite fact from the link — AOL may have helped connect people online in the early days of the Internet, but even during its heyday AOL was one-fifteenth the size that Facebook is today.

Wow.

CHRIS PAUL WANTS OUT OF NEW ORLEANS

There is a report out of New Orleans that NBA All-Star point guard and former Wake Forest star Chris Paul is done playing for the Hornets – and wants to put together a super-team like the Miami Heat triumverate of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.

My take: And this is now where we’re headed in the NBA — within a couple of years, there’ll be four or five super-teams and 25 teams that have absolutely zero chance of winning a title. Let’s hope this trend doesn’t jump over to the NFL or MLB.

Oh wait … the Yankees already do that. Sorry.

The iPod shuffle

I’ll Wait — Van Halen

I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks — The Bloodhound Gang

Independent Women Part 1 — Destiny’s Child

Unskinny Bop — Poison

Feelin’ Way Too Damn Good — Nickelback

P.S.: Take a few minutes and check out former Free Press reporter Michael Abernethy’s column on beards. It’s pretty funny.

Congrats to Chris Hatcher!

Thanks to our good friend ECPirates11 for this nugget: Former Kinston High School and UNC Wilmington baseball star Chris Hatcher, who has been playing for the Double-A Jacksonville (Fla.) Suns, has been promoted to the Triple-A New Orleans Zephyrs.

Congratulations, Chris (and his big brother, BHatcher)! The only thing that sucks about it is that New Orleans plays in the Pacific Coast League, so there’s no chance to see him play in North Carolina … but I can live with that.

The Klan has a basketball league?

This one is a head-scratcher: there is a new professional basketball league beginning — and it’s only open to white players. The All-American Basketball Alliance is striving to have 12 franchises in mostly Southern cities, although Augusta, Ga., has already told the AABA to stay away.

My take: Unfortunately, this isn’t a joke, although it should be. I’m guessing the players will have to take their hoods off to play, right?

Why would anyone want to watch this, anyway?

It’s junk like this that keeps America in the racist mess that it’s in. I hope this whole idea fades away … and fast.

Morning News Report; May 27, 2009

First off — it’s good to be back. I wish Dawson would’ve taken all his dresses and wigs he uses for his burlesque show(s) out of my office, but at least they’re not perfumed (like the outfits he wears in the office on a typical day).

Anyhoo, thanks for supporting J-Dizzle while I was gone. There are some exciting new things happening with The Free Press and this blog and they’ll begin on Monday. More on that later.

Here’s your eagerly-anticipated MNR:

TED SAMPLEY REDUX

Unfortunately, I was unable to make it to Ted Sampley’s funeral because of prior commitments, but it’s good to know he’s still stirring emotions after his passing. Former Free Press Managing Editor Lee Raynor raked the Kinston City Council over the coals (read at the end of the link) for not attending Sampley’s funeral or any of the other memorial services for the icon.

Want to see a video of her speech? Go here — it’s pretty awesome. Yes, as David Anderson wrote in the above linked article, she “savaged” the City Council.

My take: Good for Lee — and she’s right. It’s a slap in the face of his legacy that no elected official from the city paid their respects to Ted.

GM CLOSE TO BANKRUPTCY

General Motors is expected to soon file for bankruptcy protection, which would mean the United States and Canada will own 75 percent of the company.

My take: Yes, the socialization of the business sector is well under way. This is evidently what America wants, so … congratulations.

HURRICANES ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFFS

After two exciting playoff series, the Carolina Hurricanes ended their 2008-09 Stanley Cup run by being swept in the Eastern Conference Finals by Pittsburgh.

My take: Despite the sudden finality of the losses, it was still a heck of a run by the sixth-seeded Canes. Before the playoffs, I could name maybe two of their players. Now, I can name at least five.

That’s something, isn’t it?

The iPod shuffle

Rhythm Nation — Janet Jackson

Treat Me Nice — Elvis Presley

Yesterday — En Vogue

Perfect — Snoop Dogg featuring Charlie Wilson

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic — The Police

Out of the office for a lil’ bit

A note to my faithful bloggees:

I will be out of the area (and out of the country, for that matter) and won’t be back at The Free Press office until Wednesday, May 27. I won’t have access to the blog from midnight Sunday night until midnight, Monday, May 25.

However, all is not lost (and please continue to hit the ol’ blog!): Our good friends Jon Dawson (whose awesome blog is located here) and esteemed Free Press Publisher and Editor Patrick T. Holmes will be holding down the fort on this blog. Patrick, in particular, has said he’s taking this thing over like Somali pirates, whatever that means!

I have been assured that the Morning News Report and the Eye Candy of the Day will be updated every day next week, along with other breaking news items.

I am taking a MUCH-NEEDED vacation with the Hot Blonde to a tropical destination and I’m also going to watch at least one MLB game in southern Florida.

I apologize that I didn’t get a Streak for the Cash update up here before I left; I got so piled up with “real” work I wasn’t able to do it. I promise I’ll try to get one up when I get back on the 27th.

A few news nuggets and predictions:

  • I will be covering the public address duties at the Kinston Indians game for the regular PA dude, Nathan Perry, for tonight’s contest. Wave at me and stuff.
  • Paulette Burroughs — the subject of many of Jon Dawson’s columns — will throw out the first pitch at tonight’s game. She’ll be joined by her partner-in-crime, Free Press education reporter (and Kinston’s “Most Eligible Bachelor”) Chris Lavender
  • There will be a roast for Ted Sampley today at 6 p.m. at King’s Restaurant. His funeral is tomorrow at 3 p.m. at Tanglewood Church of God (2103 Rouse Road) and his burial is Monday at 3 p.m. at the Dyson Family Cemetery in Ivanhoe.
  • Our good friend, Kinston baseball coach Jason Wade, sent me an e-mail that got stuck in my spam filter that let me know that Anthony “Pookie” Clark has verbally committed to play baseball at Methodist College. Congrats to Anthony!
  • One of my favorite local athletes, KHS’ DaMarcus Quinerly, has signed to play football at the Central Carolina Sports Academy, which is located in Greensboro. It’s one of the preeminent post-graduate programs in America — and they’re lucky to get a player like DaMarcus. Congrats!
  • Prediction: Celtics and Lakers win tomorrow to advance to the NBA Eastern and Western Conference Finals, respectively.
  • Prediction: Carolina Hurricanes defeat the Penguins in 7 to head back to the Stanley Cup Finals.
  • Prediction: Randy Capps will obsessively rant about soccer on his blog. Or, he just won’t post at all, leaving the world a worse place for it.
  • Prediction: Jon Dawson won’t have the high caliber of ECOTDs that you’ve grown accustomed to. Oh, you’ll miss my selections!
  • OK, one last ECOTD for you to gaze at; I really thought Abi Titmuss (heh, heh) was going to win Thursday’s competition, so I had already pulled these pictures for Friday’s competition. Alas, she didn’t win, but I don’t want to waste the pictures, so here they are:

051509-abi-titmuss.jpg 

and

051509-abi-titmuss2.jpg 

You’re welcome.

I trust you’ll be as good to J-Dizzle and P-Dog as you have been to me at this site for the past four-plus years.

See you when I get back.