Morning News Report; Nov. 7, 2011

FORMER PENN STATE COACH ARRESTED FOR UNSPEAKABLE ACTS

In what is quite possibly the most disturbing story that you’ll hear or read about this week, former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was sexually abusing young boys while he was in Happy Valley. The PSU AD and the school’s VP resigned overnight and will be charged with perjury and failure to report the alleged child abuse because of the controversy.

Sandusky almost had two head-coaching jobs in the ACC, too: at Maryland … and at my University of Virginia.

My take:I’m thankful he didn’t turn up in Charlottesville … but what an awful story.

Several questions, though:

  • Why didn’t PSU get rid of this cretin when he was caught sodomizing a 10-year-old boy in the shower — AT PENN STATE — in 2002?
  • How does Joe Paterno emerge from this — will this speed up his resignation/retirement?
  • How can this story lead every news source in America — CNN, Fox News and the Big 3 — but ESPN buries it until halfway through SportsCenter all weekend?

An awful and disturbing story, to be sure.

BILLY GRAHAM TURNS 93

And now … to a better story: America’s evangelist, North Carolina’s own Billy Graham, celebrates his 93rd birthday today.

My take: Doesn’t matter if you’re a Baptist, Methodist, Catholic or Buddhist, you have to love Billy Graham. He’s a man of strong faith who many — including U.S. presidents for decades — have sought for his wise advice. Hope we get to write of many more birthdays for him!

NCSU 13, UNC 0

N.C. State won its fifth straight football game against archrival UNC on Saturday, 13-0.

My take: The Wuffies were having a bad season to that point, but the victory helps them to a winning record, at least for a week.

The more important question is this — does the win help Tom O’Brien hang onto his job for another year?

It goes without saying the loss helps speed up the exit of UNC interim coach Curtis Everett Withers … right, Heels fans?

(By the way, thanks for the corrections, bloggees; Curtis Withers was a UNCC/West Charlotte High Schoolbasketball star back in the day and I got my Withers’ mixed up!)

ECU STREAKER LIGHTS UP OTHERWISE DEAD GAME ON SATURDAY

While the military was being honored at halftime of ECU’s ugly loss to Southern Miss at Dowdy-Ficklen on Saturday, an idiot disrobed and strutted his stuff across the field in grand streaking fashion.

My takes: The link above takes you to WITN, where they have a slideshow of the antics. Seriously, a slideshow.

Would we have done the same thing on Kinston.com, if we would’ve had a photographer at the game? I’d like to think we wouldn’t have, but that decision would’ve likely been made above my head.

However, I’ll say this — for all those page-view-hungry executives out there, the WITN story and photo “gallery” has been a boon for clicks. As of 9:45 a.m., the story already had 312 comments and countless tens of thousands of PVs.

Last thought: Saturday’s action makes this Allstate commercial THAT much funnier to me:

And by the by, these Allstate Mayhem commercials are AWESOME.

The iPod shuffle

About A Girl — Nirvana

Wonderful Tonight — Eric Clapton

The Show (Live) — Doug E. Fresh & Slick Rick

In Da Club — 50 Cent

Family Man — Daryl Hall & John Oates

Morning News Report; Aug. 26, 2010

MAN ON ANGEL DUST ACCUSES WOMAN OF VOODOO HEX, STRIPS, RUNS NAKED, IS MACED, GETS ARRESTED

A Maysville man on his way to a wedding chose Saturday morning to ingest some angel dust. Before his morning was over in La Grange, he stripped naked, chased a woman he was riding with for her car keys, got maced and was then arrested.

My take: No, this is not a joke — it’s a real story and one of the weirdest to come through here in a long, long time. Kudos to Wesley Brown for his excellent reporting in getting this story.

ATTORNEYS GENERAL TO CRAIGSLIST: GET RID OF ADULT SERVICES ADS

Attorneys generals in 17 states are calling on Satan’s site, Craigslist, to take down ads for “adult services.”

My take: Another reason to hate Craigslist, which is a major reason why my industry is struggling. Don’t get me going on THAT one.

It’s crazy, though, that it’s legal to advertise for prostitutes on a website in America … isn’t it?

18-GAME NFL REGULAR SEASON IN 2012?

Looks like it’s probably going to happen. At NFL meetings in Atlanta, owners are leaning towards adding two games to the 16-game regular season schedule while dropping preseason games from four to two.

My take: And I like it. Although I truly think the appeal of the NFL is that it leaves you wanting more, there’s room for expanding the season. More fantasy football, y’all!

The iPod shuffle

She’s Always A Woman — Billy Joel

Good Times Bad Times — Led Zeppelin

Beast Of Burden — The Rolling Stones

Ooh Ahh — Grits featuring tobyMac

Something Happened On The Way To Heaven — Phil Collins

Marine charged with DWI after wrecking motorcyle … while riding nekkid with a nekkid girl

No, this isn’t a joke: from our good friends at the Jacksonville Daily News, a sad tale of a male Marine and a woman who wanted to take a naked ride on his motorcycle.

Nothing wrong with that … until you crash your bike and the woman has to “manage to walk or crawl a third of a mile for help despite a broken arm and leg.”

Yes … alcohol was a factor.

The JDN report goes on to say the Marine was “charged with driving while intoxicated, reckless driving, driving without a license, license revoked, expired inspection, no insurance and no helmet.”

My take: You can’t make stuff like this up. Here’s hoping these crazy kids find a way to make it work, despite their terrible decision-making skills.

Oh … and don’t you want to see the crime scene photos for this report?

Your one-liners welcome.

Morning News Report; April 14, 2010

 SHERIFF’S OFFICE LOOKING FOR BURGLAR

The Lenoir County Sheriff’s Office is looking for a burglar who burgled the Southwood Mini-Mart Monday night; they also have some great pictures of the dolt person who did the burgling. If you know who it is — and I bet someone out there in the blogosphere does — call the LCSO at 252-559-6100.

My take: Again, those are VERY good pictures — I don’t think it’s going to take too long for someone to catch this idiot.

PALIN IS CASHING IN … BIG-TIME

California college students found a discarded contract between the Golden State and former Alaska Gov./U.S. vice presidential candidate/political pundit Sarah Palin in the trash that details what she needs to appear for a speech. Included were luxury flights, pre-screened questions and bendy straws in her bottled water. Oh yeah, she also makes more than $100,000 per speech and has made more than $12 million since resigning as Alaska governor less than a year ago.

My take: And this is another reason America is great. For someone with such limited intelligence — but who is, admittedly, great eye candy — to be able to demand all this shows how you can go from basically nothing to a world-wide phenomenon. Go USA.

And before my right-wing friends jump on me here, please realize that this is pretty much tongue-in-cheek. I know she’s the voice of your movement now; at least she’s easy on the eyes (not like Ron Paul for Libertarian-leaning folks like myself!).

JERRY JONES CAN’T HANDLE HIS LIQUOR

I’ve long been a fan of Deadspin.com, but they have now hit the motherlode: a FASCINATING video of Jerry Jones waxing poetic about Tim Tebow and Bill Parcells. Do yourself a favor and check it out. A WARNING: It is very, very NC-17 — yes, you will hear some curse words, so if this is going to insult your fragile sensibilities, do not go to the site. I don’t need another mom calling and crying about how her child has been negatively impacted by my sinfulness. Seriously.

My take on the video: As Tommy Boy would say, “That. Was. Awesome.” If you didn’t already think Jones was a douchebag (hey, even Dallas fans admit THAT), you will now. But I bet Ol’ JJ is a fun drunk to hang out with; with all his money, you know he pulls good tail and he’ll buy all your drinks.

And here’s a great picture of DJJ (Drunk Jerry Jones):

041410-drunk-jerry-jones.jpg 

Looks like Jon Dawson after he takes a Benadryl, doesn’t it?

The iPod shuffle

One Night — Elvis Presley

Hanging By A Moment — Lifehouse

Kyrie — Mister Mister

Spill The Wine — Eric Burdon & War

(I) Get Lost — Eric Clapton

P.S.:I’ll have a story on this later this week or in Sunday’s paper, but I will be playing again in Gerald Garner’s UNC Seniors stop at East Duplin a week from today, on April 21. The game begins at 7 p.m. at EDHS, but you can get your tickets now. Our good friend Clay Howard has tickets for the game, which will include Marcus Ginyard and Deon Thompson taking on a team of schlubs like me; the pre-sale tickets are $12, at the door, they’re $15. Clay also has some limited edition tickets that will let you eat a steak dinner with the team and allow you one autographed item or picture with the player of your choice — those tickets are $25 and will also allow you to watch the game in a special section of the gym. To get your ticket(s), call Clay at on his cell at 252-560-7420 or his office at 252-568-4059.